There aren't enough words in any language to describe the loss I am feeling so deeply in my soul. This afternoon my family said goodbye to the tiny kitty that changed our lives for the better.
In 2009 when I was in treatment, my mom was working on a charity event for an animal rescue. We went to the rescue one afternoon and one of the staff members let us go into a room that was housing a mom and her litter of kittens they had recently rescued. As I sat on the floor in the middle of the room all of the cats hid, except for one. One sweet, tiny, playful little girl chased around the wand toy I was dangling for her. I fell in love with her instantly and knew that she was mine. I promised my parents that I would follow my meal plan 100% (something I had no desire to do previously) if they let me adopt this kitten. Willing to do whatever it took to get me to eat and regain my health, they agreed. And in July 2009, Bella Mae became my whole world and reason for living- quite literally.
Bella redefined the meaning of loyalty. Never leaving my side. She kept me company as we ventured into our first apartment away from home. Snuggled with me through the tears of a broken engagement. Her bright green eyes spoke to my soul on nights when I contemplated whether or not life was worth living. With just her eyes, pur, and nudge of her kiss, she saved me. Time and time again, she saved me.
When my step dad passed away unexpectedly, Bella again loved our whole family through the pain. 18-25 were some of my darkest years, but Bella Mae saved me and gave me the strength and will to continue on through the pain.
I know without a doubt, that Bella was my angel sent from heaven to save me. She was perfect in every way: beautiful, sweet, loving, loyal. She was one of a kind.
There is an enormous hole in my heart and soul. I will never be the same without my sweet angel girl. I know that she will always be my angel and will continue watching over me until we can be together again. But it doesn’t heal the hurt I feel right now. I see her empty bed, toys, and food bowl and can’t help but break down. I look around to wait for her to come walking around the corner. It is going to take a really long time to accept her absence in our home. I miss her so so much.
The tears, stories, and messages from friends and family remind me how much she was loved and how big of an impact one tiny little cat made on so many lives. I will continue to make her proud by taking care of myself and living a life she helped me fight for.
Bella Mae. My angel girl. Mommy loves you so much. I am forever grateful for what your love helped me through.